Helpless but not Hopeless

"The sense of not having control is the greatest human fear. If you don't know what the very next thing to do is, it freaks you out. The hardest thing is to get past the stage where you don't do anything.” - David Allen

This pretty much sums up how things have been going the last few weeks. After the Christmas holiday came and went and school started back, it was so hard to get back on track. And just as things were finally, FINALLY beginning to be almost normal, BAM! Sickness slammed the entire household. And that is where the story of helplessness begins...

P's big first birthday was a couple weeks ago and her party was last weekend. But of course just a day before her birthday she comes down with a nasty cough and a fever. Poor baby had some kind of viral nastiness and an ear infection. I don't know how many of you have ever had or been around a sick baby before, but it's pitiful. If it could run, it did. She couldn't get comfortable in her bed, in her swing, in the big bed or on the couch. Shawn and I took turns staying up with her because shockingly, I had a test the week of this mad chaos and still birthday party details to iron out. I have never in my life felt so exhausted, so defeated and so helpless. There was absolutely nothing that we could do that would make her feel better. I have never in my life watched that many episodes of Blue's Clues in a row. I'm fairly certain that I can recite verbatim at least 9 episodes. But with the help of Blue, pedialyte, yogurt, a few good friends and the grace of God, we all survived the first 'real' illness of P's life. And, to make things even better, you could hardly tell that she wasn't feeling so hot at her party.

Without a wonderful, used-to-be-blonde-headed friend of mine, P's parties would not have worked out so smoothly and there would not have been cake.  P and I owe you big, Miss Bitney!
Here's some pictures from the big ole Blue's Clues Birthday Bash(es):

 A "Ba" cake for party #1. Such a hit! Can you believe two medical students made this gem? We are good at doing things other than shoving our noses in books. P.S. marshmallow fondant is the way to go. Tasty and effective. Just make sure you grease the bowl BEFORE melting the marshmallows. Just trust me on that one.

                                   You can't have a Blue's Clues party without the clues. Duh.

P even thought that "Ba" tasted good. She wasn't a messy cake eater like I expected. She took dainty little bites...until the ice cream came out. Then it got sticky. Daddy also helped make a mess. See next photo...

The downside to using marshmallow fondant to decorate - the spots came off of Blue and somehow magically ended up on P's forehead.

Brit and I attempted to use extra cake pieces and cake icing for play cake #2. Didn't quite work out as originally planned in our pretty little heads, but P seemed to enjoy the icing. She may have also looked like she ate a Smurf for a couple days too....oops?

My mom convinced one of the cute little children's boutique places to make a Blue shirt for the party. Too cute! And if you ever need anything monogrammed, need a super cute diaper bag, etc. check out Cool Beans in Hartselle, Al. Wonderful, wonderful people who did an amazing job on this shirt!

All-in-all, the birthday bash(es) were such a success! We had a great time and ate some pretty tasty cake and ice cream. Happy ending to a rough week with a sick little girl.


So this post is a random thought, picture kinda thing, but there is a moral to the story. Even though the past few weeks I have felt completely helpless with a sick baby, and trying to gracefully tackle a billion different projects at the same time in my well-meaning attempt to be super-mom, I know that I am not hopeless though I might feel helpless. I am actually quite hopeful. I know that my Hope is not in solving every problem that comes my way. My Hope is not to gain recognition for my efforts. My Hope is in the future. My Hope is knowing that this is not my permanent home. This is a temporary place where I am attempting to make my mark and raise my child to know that her Hope is not in this world but is in something so much bigger. These last few weeks have been hard, but they have been rewarding. And, as I begin my preparation for my first board exam starting tomorrow, I know my days are going to get harder. My mornings are going to get earlier and my nights a little later. But I also know that while I may often feel helpless, I am not hopeless. I have hope. And when I start to feel hopeless, I know exactly where to turn -

"When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken." Psalm 34:17-20

And..

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

For these reasons alone, I have made it this far without either 1) failing to take care of my child or
2) flunking out of medical school. To the outsider, there is no logical reason why I haven't fallen on my face yet. However, I'll tell you, I fall on my face daily, but because my hope lies in Him, I can get back up again....and again....and again...